At most...11 days left.

This will be quick like. Because I'm exhausted. Again.

I have actually felt pretty okay all week... better than the last week. BUT...then...last night, I hardly slept I was so uncomfy and flushed, with back pain, that I maybe made out with 3 hours of sleep...but not all at once.

I am hitting the paranoid stage... the one where every new, or possibly new, feeling is over-analyzed. A pinching pain down there that is a bit stronger than others? Is that the cramping from a real contraction? Really intense gas? Is that the diarrhea they say some women get to clean out their system before labor starts? Lower back pain (which I don't typically get)? Is that back labor? Or is it from me practically sitting up while I sleep? Not feeling too bad? Is this the surge in energy you supposedly get that leads to last-minute nesting?

Well let me tell you....all of the above paranoia has been just that. At this point, oh the eff well. I'll just plan on being induced and if he comes earlier...yay for hurrying around and packing the last of the hospital bag.

Back when I was engaged... I had a few unreasonable fears about my wedding. And one of my friends (Paige)... talked me about something she had been told once....how when you're apprehensive about something ahead of time, you need to work on visualizing yourself in that moment...and calming down while you visualize it...so eventually you can associate the "moment" of original apprehension with being calm.

I think I've achieved it a bit with portions of the labor & delivery process. It started back with the hospital tour and then got stronger after the l&d class. I can sense the serenity of being somewhere where people are there to tend to your needs. Where the physical happenings are expected, normal, and signs of progress. Where Kenny G's BREATHLESS album will be playing (don't knock it till you try it. haha It is what mom played for me in the hospital when I was 12 and I associate it with her...and anything that is like my mom in times of need helps calm me) and my husband will be there, looking wide-eyed and just as fearful, but holding my hand and being strong.

I falter in my relaxed visualization when I see my legs up in stirrups and my hu-hot wide open for the audience before me though. hahaha

So let's see...other updates:

1. In breaking news, and those who know me well will understand the weight of this confession...I said the word "poop" the other night. That's right. FIRST TIME in....I don't know how long. See, I have an aversion to that word and the word that starts with a P and means "underwear." I've gotten better at hearing people say p-double o-p, but letting the one-syllable atrocity out of my own mouth makes me shudder. But Neil made me do it. He cheered me on as I forced my brain to let go and my lips to just form and my vocal chords to throw out the childish sound. I hated it. I still do. But I think that is a step forward that needs to be taken because as much as I would love to just teach my kid that he either pees or craps....the C-word probably won't go over well with school later. And every other word for the "matter" is silly or causes others to be uncomfy. So I'm trying. Typing it was a feat in and of itself, too. haha

2. The doc appointment...here is what I found out (some based on questions I asked...)

• Dr. C doesn't recommend giving yourself an enema before going to the hospital as some women do in attempt to not crapping during labor. She said that when women do it, because it's so common, it's the same as dealing with a baby having a dirty diaper....it's normal, expected and no big deal. 
• It is normal for one ankle and foot to swell and the other to not. (My left one is swollen...not LOTS but enough to change shoe size and look silly.) Apparently, this is because the baby is lying more heavily on the veins that deliver circulation to the left side. 
• She said go for it, when I asked about her feelings on nipple stimulation. She said that and doing the deed that got us into this in the first place are the only two things that she thinks really do work, if they are going to work. 
• I've not been taking my hydrocodone at all this week because I've been nervous that if I go into labor while "drugged" it could be problematic. She said it doens't matter because it's low enough dosed that it won't affect anything...and will wear off before true labor begins. 
• If I make it to next Thursday's appointment, we'll get another ultrasound to determine the size of the baby as well as the amount of amniotic fluid. 
• The cervical exam yielded more of the same, though she said previously, my opening had been off tothe left and now it's in the center, which is favorable for delivery. And that I'm a bit more dilated, but not enough to strip membranes. I'm a bit softer, but I was already pretty effaced. And that if we're talking "stations" for how low Dub is, he's at a 0. Which is good. He is not entered into the birth canal, but he is prime for it as he's dropped as low as he can go before he does just that. (For those who don't know, read about stations here. So yay. Not much change in some ways, but still conditions are favorable for a baby to be born. within 11 days. Ha. 

3. watch the first half of this.... I wish I'd have caught the 2 minutes before this. You could literally see his  fists dragging lines up and down the belly. I wanted to hurl. He did this crazy movement for over an hour. I was not amused. 

4. This week, I've tried to have one thing a day that gets me out or distracts me. Monday, Gina came and we watched the BACHELOR. Tuesday, I had a facial (AMAZING!!!). Gina brought me lunch yesterday (THANK YOU!) and Leigh made me lunch today (LOVED the comfort food!!XO). Tomorrow...getting a pedicure. (Disclosure: I have gift certificates due to a raffle I won with "spa treatments". Cashing them all in when I need them the most. haha)

5. I think that is it. Just waiting. Every night, we say, "this could be the lat night it's just the two of us and Kramer." So far, we've been wrong. Eventually, we'll be right.