Ho-ho-holy moly, we're nearly there!

Holy wow. Christmas came and went! It was so wonderful to spend it with my family. And so weird, to look around, to really take it in, knowing the dynamic will be changing in just a short amount of time. Yes, it will be changing for the better (or so they tell me, haha)....but it's still bittersweet. I cried every time I hugged someone goodbye because the next time I see my mom and dad, my sister & her hubby, my niece, my brother and his wife.....we're GOING TO HAVE A BABY. Good golly.

Is anyone else freaking out?

I'm physically so uncomfy, and it surely will just get worse. I cringe to think of the achey, sleepless, too-stretched nights that lie ahead. And if I make it out of the StretchMark Forest unscathed, I will be shocked, though I admit, I'm not really doing anything other than some lotioning or using Burt's Bee's Wax belly polish or whatever the heck it's called. Maybe I remember to do it once a week.

Here is a video from two nights ago. I guess now that he is over 6 lbs (allegedly), he has less room inside and kicks etc. feel more like sliding movements. Here is proof of what it looks like.....the 13 second point and then again at 42 seconds is where the significant action is. If this video looks pixelated, go to this link because it really is necessary to see it as clearly as possible. http://youtu.be/xbvXQ_eP3tc

I cried tonight because I was talking about longing to sit in a padded bath tub and have the water be 110 degrees AT LEAST. Neil said to hang in there, I can do that in a month (well, it won't be padded. haha)

I then got all sappy because things like that make me wish for Dub to just COME ALREADY. and then that makes me freak out because I should wish this time away...this down time...the calm before the storm...these precious hours that are left to just do what I want to do (well, within reason as my back and discomfort are quite limiting.) So I am trying to be patient and a trooper. 

I am very much looking forward to tomorrow, too. One of my best friends is coming down from Omaha just to spend time with me. She's my go-to silly friend....and it will be a good break. At first I was feeling guilty for taking off 2 days of work but then I realized that as a business owner, I am getting robbed of a true maternity leave since I can't afford to be hands off the biz for longer than 2-3 weeks, so the least I can do is take advantage of the perk of flexibility that ALSO comes with owning my own business. So I'm having an Audrey Vacation. :) Hoping she can distract me, lift my spirits and just make me feel a bit like the old me again. 

And have I mentioned that Neil has been amazing this trimester? He is a constant source of support for me. His emails during the day make me smile. He is goofy...he is understanding. I am so thankful that he "gets it"....it might have taken awhile, but he gradually realized exactly how traumatic pregnancy can be on the human body. MY body. And my heart. And my brain. And my will. haha 

Alrighty.... to close, here is our 36 week maternity pic. It's not really a good one in terms of showing the belly, so I also put in a bare belly pic at the end because when I'm clothed, and wearing white...on beige, I don't think I look as big as I feel...or am. haha

I'm not sticking out a bunch more, but I'm fuller on the sides and up top and bottom. He's supposedly the size of a bowling ball now. 

35 weeks and change

As I write this, my inner tyke is not being very still. His movements over the past two weeks have become increasingly more definitive and strong. Cool on one hand, but not so much on the other because he literally has a mind of his own. And anything INSIDE you that you have no control over is sorta creepy, am I wrong?

I was telling Neil the other night, for the umpteenth time, that I still can't buy that pregnancy is "natural." I mean, consider this...if I weren't pregnant, but had all these weird things like: crankiness, horrible discomfort, digestive issues, something pushing and pulling your body in ways it shouldn't be pushed and pulled, trouble sleeping, nausea, inability to move without groaning, shortness of breath, need to pee constantly, tightening of the belly, pinching sensations in internal organs, cramping, etc.... then it could be assumed I was dying.

But in fact, these are all signs of LIFE. A new life. I thought I'd get over it as the time went on....I thought I'd start thinking: of course, this all makes sense. But no, I am still in disbelief, still in awe. Still a bit pissed at men in general for once again escaping the short-end of the stick.

I have been so incredibly uncomfortable after 7 p.m. Constant feelings of needing to reposition. I actually said out loud the other night: I feel like my angle of repose is all wrong.

So poetic, for something so ugly feeling.

But it's true. And yes, I will say it's a bit worse for me than I think it would be for the majority of women because lying on my right side hurts my back immediately and lying on my left side only lasts for an hour or so before the back probs begin. So I have to rely on the wedge and lie on my back, but again, the wedge is not at the right angle anymore, so I have about 5 pillows of varying thickness and materials and treat them like a brainteaser to see if I can find the magic formula of what pillow goes where and at what angle until I can handle the way my body feels. But what works one night doesn't work the next. Neil just watches me. I actually do see sympathy in his eyes, though,  which is better than annoyance. He has to sometimes help roll me back onto my wedge if I come off of it to hug him or lie on his chest for a very uncomfortable minute. We both laugh because it is quite funny how helpless we women become. But sometimes, the laughter is followed by tears. Because let's not forget...I'm pregnant.

Ok, so the weird belly shapes have continued. And they are accompanied by shortness of breath and sometimes horrid gas pains. Have you seen AMERICAN HORROR STORY yet? If not, the reference won't make any sense to you, but for awhile, I myself secretly worried the baby had hooves. Ok, it wasn't so secret. I joked about it out loud, but 10 percent of me wasn't joking.

Here are a few of the recent snaps I got of my tummy looking as it if it's play dough.

Looking straight down my belly...

This one is a bit of a side angle...

Looking straight down. 

So when these happen...I seek out comfort or fellow disbelief from a community of others .like me.. on Facebook by posting the visuals. (When I post pics like this, I only show it to 10 percent of my Facebook friends as I don't want just anyone looking at my belly...so don't think I'm one of "those people"...completely) The chorus of "ewwws" and "omgs!!!" that resound beneath the photo is deafening. But a fellow preggo posted a link to a site that ended up being a time suck for me as I got lost in the theories of belly mapping.

Check it out if you're curious. Basically, it shows you how to tell where/how your baby is lying inside and if he/she is in a position that isn't so labor-friendly, there are exercises and what have you that might help. Quite fascinating, really. Go here.

So based on what I typically feel in terms of where light, fluttery movement is versus where the strong, pounding kicks are, I deduced that Dub was possibly in this position:
http://spinningbabies.com/baby-positions/all-positions/left-occiput-anterior
Or at least, I was hoping I was right as it says it's a good position for vaginal labor.

Tidbit: My mom delivered both my brother and me in the posterior position...sunny side up. So it CAN be done. Forceps were used, but I'm fine with that. I do wonder why the forceps I've seen are all metal. Why not use tongs made out of a soft rubber or.... terry cloth? ha I just think that would sound less menacing and probably produce fewer abrasions on the baby's head.

With all these goings on kinda worrying me, I thought I'd show my ob/gyn the photos. Well, actually, I decided that was something I needed to do because Neil was sitting next to me when one of the strange occurrences took place. He looked a bit on edge when he said, "Can you show the doctor and just make sure it's normal?"

So I did. And Dr. C laughed. She explained that what I was witnessing was in fact Braxton Hicks contractions, and not evidence that our baby had horns. She said because I'm thin, it's like pulling a sock really tight around an object that is in the toe of the sock. The shape will be outlined.

I was very relieved...and shocked...to find out I'd been experiencing BHs and not realizing it. But it does make sense because I do get sensations that things are very constricted. It starts in my neck and jaw and moves down my chest. I don't dare move when they are happening or the belly shoots with pain. But overall, the contractions are not terribly painful. AHhhhhhh....I am actually having one right now. It looks like the last picture above.

K. It's done.

In the same doc appointment, we did an ultrasound (so I had even more proof that it was no demon baby inside.) However, let's be honest, the u/s ended up surfacing an otherwise latent fear that I think 90 percent of women have when pregnant.....can you handle hearing possibly your own trepidation voiced out loud?

Here goes.....
Will my baby be ugly?

If I went solely by the u/s, I would think the answer is yes. Don't act like you don't agree or that you think I'm horrible for toying with this idea. But he really does look like the love child of the scary fish in FINDING NEMO and the Stay Puft Marshmallow man. Not exactly something you want to cuddle, let alone go near your...uh....teat. (and yes, he has the cord around his neck again...and no, it's not a big deal because lots of babies are wrapped in someway in the cord. Rarely is it a serious problem. One such bit of research is here.)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure I'll be blinded by motherly love. There really is a such thing as a not-cute baby. My mom has a saying, "Ugly in the cradle, pretty at the table." I think she had to chant that to herself because I wasn't exactly a darling infant. But she probably wanted to make up a new saying when she realized that my cuteness showed up around age 1 and lasted until she gave me that awful nearly boyish haircut with the feathered wings heavily hairsprayed back like I was a 40 year old unmarried woman.

Anywho...I have discussed this fear with many of my friends. We all fear it. I am not alone, so I'm totally okay with being honest here. If you've never had this feeling yourself, then you just haven't been pregnant yet...nor have you had to lie to someone when faced with a baby that doesn't exactly make you swoon.

But Dub, if you're reading this later in life when you can understand such things, know that even though it's a real concern of mine right now, if it comes to fruition, I know I will still feed you, clothe you, cuddle you and love you. I will just also pray that you grow out of the homely stage. hahahhahaha

So the findings of the u/s confirmed that he was in fact head down, and close to the position I predicted at the link above. Hooray!! No breech baby for me. At least yet. :)
He was estimated to be a bit over 5 lbs, which is a good weight as it decreases chances of going to the NICU if birthed early.


Now, it's a week later.... in this past week, we had our last educational class...the breastfeeding one. I am going to go into it with an open mind and set my first goal at getting through 30 days. I also want to flip off anyone reading this who will judge me, or anyone, at any point for giving up. They clearly are unaware of all the challenges, and they clearly haven't walked in the shoes (or worn their nursing bra???) of someone who has hurdle after hurdle to surpass while emotionally dealing with feeling like failing. So I say this now because I know there are people out there who look down on others when breastfeeding doesn't work out. And I think THOSE people should be judged for being plain mean. I'd rather be a quitter than mean.

The biggest question I have right now is which pump to get...and if I should get one...I definitely don't want to get one if it's not going to pan out for me. So I think I'll probably wait at least to see if I get a good latch and can physically meet the supply/demand needs of the kiddo. The class definitely gave us a lot of info (and Neil did get to see a rather large boob in the video....though having an infant suckling at it didn't exactly "do it for him"....) so I do feel a bit more empowered to give it a good attempt. But check back here a month after Dub is here to see if I got through the booby boot camp.

My 35 week doc appointment was today. She thinks I'm dilated 1 cm....and the cervix is thinning. Dub is incredibly low she said, so it is her best guess to say I won't make it to the due date. I'm okay with that. A lot okay with it.

We are going to Omaha this weekend. I had been so nervous about it because financially, we can't stomach covering the expense of going into labor where the hospital etc would be out of network. But this week, I double checked the info I had gotten from an email conversation with a Blue Cross rep and the chick on the phone made my day when she said there are in-network providers in OMaha, and we'd pay the same up there as we would down here if we go to one of the approved hospitals. SCORE. HUGE relief. Now, that said, I don't want to pop over the holiday for lots of reasons...but at least I know we won't start off the New Year with a large hole in our already thread-bare pockets.

So rock on with the jingle bells and secret kiss cookies.

(I'd like to take a second to say hi to my little cousin who, according to my aunt, likes to come to the blog to look at my belly. Hi, Daleni!!!!! Love you!!!!)

No belly pic today as we're doing it this weekend....but here are three maternity pics from the teasers that the amazing Leigh Miller sent me this week.They were taken at the 32 week mark. :)

Happy holidays, all!!! :) I will be enjoying the last Christmas that is just about my pre-baby family. But next year, it's ON. I already have his PJs that will look so cute on him. Even if he turns out to be a not-so-cute kid. hahahahahah

34 weeks: Tears, fears and pickle spears

These past two weeks have been a roller coaster of pregnancy hormones. Poor Neil. One minute, I'm giddy and laughing, and the next, my face has crumpled up and my cheeks are covered in out-of-the-blue tears, and I find myself wailing, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Because I am. Very sorry. That I am overwhelmed with such emotion uncontrollably. Some of the sob-igniters MIGHT be classified as worthy of at least brimming my eyes with tears. But full-on crying? Good gosh, no. Let's just revisit some of the instances in the past month.

At my shower in Omaha (still no pics of it, Lara... cough cough...), toward the end of opening gifts, I can't remember exactly what spurred the conversation, but something came up about how 30 years from now, something or other would still be cool...or something like that. And my mom who was sitting to my left said, "Not like I care since I'll be dead by then."

I tried to not be affected by that statement. I mean, it's most likely true since the woman IS already a ripe old 61 (hahaha), but hearing her have such a defeatist attitude about her own mortality totally hit my soft spot and I couldn't help but cry.

Then...
One night, as we were going to bed after what had been a particularly long day with lots of back pain and heavy breathing when merely moving, Neil had rubbed my belly and said, "I'm proud of you," and kissed me on my cheek. Very sweet, I know. And apparently, sweetness is conducive to sheer sobbing. I hope it doesn't discourage him from being that sweet again.

Another night in bed... we were both reading our books like we usually do for 20 minutes before we turn out the lights and I looked over at Neil, on his tummy, engrossed in Cat's Cradle by Kurt Vonnegut...his eyes moving slowly across the page.... oblivious to my observation... and I lost it. He heard my sniffling and immediately put the book down to inquire what the heck was wrong, assuming someone died in the book I was reading. I explained to him that no, that wasn't it... but what WAS it, was that I was worried these relaxing nights of us just absorbing a good storyline in each other's presence would be over once Dub is here. That this silent bonding would soon be buried under an avalanche of "sleeping shifts" and one of us going to bed way earlier than the other, so the lights would be out when the second one crawls under the covers. I think I'm actually being fairly realistic about that...at least for the first several months. But Neil is convinced I'm blowing this out of proportion, so he tried his best to soothe me. I tried my best to believe him.

Then last week, I had revisited the DAMN YOU, AUTOCORRECT web site thanks to my pal Leigh (if you haven't gone to it, please click on the link) to read the TOP 25 rankings. After reading just four of them, I was on the couch having a solo laugh-fest (not one of my delirious laughing spells, mind you...) Neil was right next to me to witness it all. He kept glancing at me with disdain as I chuckled, belly and all, sometimes loudly.... after all, his beloved weatherman, Gary Lezak, was on the nightly news. Finally, after having enough of my expressions of hilarity, he pushed himself off the couch and stomped off, sighing. I knew he was peeved with me for laughing. And it hurt my feelings. Apparently, a lot. My hearty cackles suddenly changed to silent bawling. I was so ashamed of WHY I was crying, that I didn't even go tell Neil to get him to apologize. I mean, really? He saw my tear-streaked face later...and felt really bad (see, he IS sweet...) and then I cried again that he was understanding about it.

Needless to say....pregnancy hormones are a fierce demon all on their own. And yay! I hear they don't go away for quite some time. Woohoo! haha

And for those who don't know, there has been an update with my back situation. Not a good one, however, but at least some sort of temporary closure, if there is such a thing.

After research and discussing with my medical team (haha)....I am pretty sure what I've been experiencing is the flare up of damage to the intercostal space between my thoracic ribs to the left of my spine, where the tendons/muscles/nerves have been stretched to their max already from scoliosis. With the baby, it's only pulled on these overworked, weak spots even more and that might explain why I can get through 4 to 5 hours in the morning, but when gravity takes it toll, it can't get relief for long enough. Lying down is the answer, as it takes pressure off the pulling.

So I think I said in my last post I had an appointment with a pain management doctor in hopes of getting a cortisone shot. The doc ended up being kinda Dustin Hoffman-like in mannerisms, btw... but after hearing my background, looking at the most recent xray from 10 years ago, and poking along my spine, he shot me straight.  He said, "Hon, here's the deal. The spot where you'd need the localized steroid shot puts you at a tiny risk for a lung puncture. And those are ugly enough for a healthy individual. But since you have a baby relying on your oxygen supply, I quite frankly do not want to risk it, especially because we can't take an xray to see what's going on for sure until after the baby is here."

"So...you're saying...I have to....uh...." {I chanted in my brain: I WILL NOT CRY. I WILL NOT CRY. I WILL NOT CRY.} "Just wait it out and deal with the pain for another 6 or more weeks?"

He nodded.

Eff-balls. I started crying.

He pointed out that he's sure that what I went through at the age of 12 was tremendous and traumatic and probably one of the most serious surgeries I could have gone through. He asked me to recall that pain and the healing process. And then he bluntly said, "Compared to that, don't you think the you of today can get through THIS?"

My turn to nod, though I didn't quite believe in it.

But he's probably right.... I've said over and over, the pain itself is not the worst pain out there. I know this. I don't cry out when it comes on. On my scale...I'm assuming labor is a 10...my surgery was probably a 9... kidney stones etc. are probably a 10 or higher...I would place my back pain as a 3 when it starts and a 7 when it gets so bad I can't function. I think it has gotten up to an 8, but that was after staying upright way past my breaking point.

So when looking at it like that, yes, I can get through this...another 6 weeks of this at least. He told me to give the pain meds another try...to stop being scared of getting addicted or of hurting the baby (he swears he has seen many patients on way stronger drugs than Hydrocodone and taking it in higher doses and way more often, who have healthy kids...so me taking it when I am in pain but unable to lie down will not affect much) and do what I need to do to get through what I need to get through. He said after Dub is here, to come back, and he has several things he'd like to try with me (he admits that he doesn't think the pain will go away right away...but that there are several options for managing the pain until it does vacate....)

So that's the plan. Drug me up for now. ha.

I type a laugh, but really, I'm not thrilled at all. I have had several friends/fam members pep talk me and seriously, I am so thankful so many people care. It's hard enough feeling so helpless and limited, but I can't imagine if those I loved didn't give a damn.

Oddly enough, emotionally, I've been feeling a lot better since that day the door was closed in my face. Because I guess, now I know there isn't hope until after Dub is here. Now I know I just have to suck it up, and call upon the strong 12-year-old that got me through the horrid surgery so long ago..because in comparison, this isn't much. And because I know I am blessed that the pregnancy itself (as in, the baby's wellbeing) has gone smoothly...despite my first trimester nausea...despite the onset of that inflamed lower intestine...and despite this, the exacerbation of a back problem. He'll be worth it. Or so I'm told. haha

No segue needed...let's just switch tracks here..

Our bi-weekly photo.... I am not getting much bigger in terms of the reach of the protuberance, but I'm getting fuller. And rightly so because our lil' Dub Chub is trying to stretch me to my extremes...he is so freaking active! I think he has run out of room.

Here is a video I captured on Dec. 4.... it is not an isolated event, however. It is pretty much nightly that our creature within likes to make strange formations in his mother's belly. I can't wait to show him this someday when he's old enough to understand why he owes me the best mother's day gifts EVER for 10 years. ;)

Lastly--we attended a day-long childbirth class. Neil at first was not too keen on going...dreading the "boring" lessons and the forced participation he assumed waited for him. But, after it was over, he told me he enjoyed it...and he didn't realize how little he knew and how much there was to know. I actually have to agree. I have read countless books/blogs etc about labor and delivery...I have friends and family members who are all too willing to share their anecdotal assessment of their experiences or what they heard someone else went through. Not to mention TLC's BABY STORY (it's like a train wreck...talk about CRYING...I end up transfixed on the pain and emotional arrival of the baby...). But learning the reality of what to expect (as much as you can expect ANYTHING in this process), really calmed me down. There are still a lot of unknowns, but now I feel like I see the choices...the possibilities.

I thought that as soon as I'd feel a contraction (if within the last 2 weeks of the pregnancy), I would high-tail it to the hospital. But no, they urge you to wait and labor at home for a bit until you have 1-minute long contractions, five minutes apart, for one hour. And they gave us some soothing methods to get through the first part of the labor. Neil, I think, now understands the mission that will be bestowed upon him...keep his baby Mama happy and comfortable as much as he can.

A few nights later, we took the NEWBORN CARE class. That I walked into a bit more familiar with because I do have lots of experience babysitting, but it was still good to go over it all (and to have Neil be exposed to it because let's be honest...his cluelessness didn't just stop at the day of birth.) He changed his first diaper (on a doll).... and we tried to learn to swaddle. That was definitely a source of frustration for us...much practice is needed.Too bad Kramer will have none of it.

We have a BREASTFEEDING class next week....another eye-opener, I'm sure. Neil will most likely get to see a boob or something (I've at least told him that to get him there), so I think he's got higher expectations for this one. haha We shall see.

So where am I now with moods? I am actually more excited than I have been...(which, to be honest, isn't saying much as it's taken a lot to get here)... but my curiosity about the features and personality and memories that lie ahead with Dub is so strong lately. We have another ultrasound this Thursday, at which time, I think we'll get a good idea on his estimated weight and possibly if I'm remotely at risk to delivering early. I am looking forward to the moment in this journey when I can be fully pumped for the first real contraction. Right now, I am aware it is too early...and quite frankly, I want to be able to make it to Omaha for Christmas and NOT deliver there because we cannot afford the 40 percent co-insurance. So although the anticipation is very real, very palatable, I know that because it's not quite over the 37 week hump, that anticipation quickly is replaced with fear and trepidation because even though I'd like this back pain to end...I'd like to be comfy at night....I'd like to curl up with my husband in bed without five pillows around me.... I'd like to make it two hours without peeing....I'd like to not be loaning out my body to someone I've never even met (Talk about trust!!!).... the truth is....we're not ready. And I can't wait to be that pregnant woman who IS ready. You know...the woman who posts on Facebook about wanting to evict the inner tenant....who gets cranky with eagerness and the spirit to just "get on with it." Yeah...THAT sounds so fun at this point. And I know, it will be here before we know it, so pain or no pain, I will not wish time away and instead relish the last Christmas with just my love and my cat....the last winter where it truly is calm and on our own clocks...the last turning of the New Year that we don't have to get a babysitter to go out...for a realllllllly long time. ;)

p.s.
I love pickles. But I did even when I'm not pregnant. I'm only writing this because I need to make the post title make sense. :)

32 wks, or 8 mos., for those who can't count

I am pretty sure this post is going to be another hodge-podge of thoughts because lately, that describes how my days are. I used to be a planner who would make a list of tasks to be done that day and I'd stick to it. But I think those days have curled up in the corner and died. Mostly because I am easily distracted....and partly because when I'm NOT distracted, I have to readjust the day's plans according to my back problems.

Since I mentioned the BPs, I'll start with that update.

Basically....the pain is still rampant and unruly every day...usually kicks in around noon, sometimes 1. If I stay lying down later in the morning and work from bed on my laptop, I can get the pain to not be too horrible until 3.

I have been going to another chiropractor that specializes in active release treatment at the urging of my ob/gyn. (The chiro has been working with the KC Chiefs for the past 16 years so I know he has to at least know his shiot. haha)  He is breaking down my scar tissue via intense pressure and simultaneous stretching. I don't mind the pain of his "work out" because I feel that it's healing in some way. But since the burning, throbbing pain in my middle left back (I'm actually thinking the pain is between my ribs in the back) has not been much affected by the above treatment, I am seeking out one last desperate attempt to relieve what surely will be even more pain these last 8-9 weeks. On WEdnesday, I'm seeing a pain management specialist regarding a possible cortisone/steroid injection. My ob/gyn has approved of it...and now it's just a matter of whether this pain doc will stick a needle in my back when he can't take an xray due to the fetal culprit that is cuddling my innards.

So when people ask me how I'm doing, I tend to be honest and tell them...for the most part, I'm okay, but the pain is a large cumulus cloud of blackness on my days and nights....and it only gets gloomier when I think about the possibility of it not going away when the baby is out.

Moving on though because there really are lots of other updates for those who care. And I'm sick of crying about it. (Though I do want to thank the few friends whom I've sought comfort in ... and my mom and my husband...for enduring the bulk of the tearful complaints...)


Here is our most recent belly pic...32 weeks marks the time when you're supposed to pack your overnight bag. I haven't gotten to that yet, but I did just get two pairs of pajamas and new underwear from Victoria's Secret that I plan on taking. So what more do I need? haha ;)

Two weeks ago, I had an ultrasound and it was the first one that I actually teared up and felt the tears inside, too. Because the lil' sucker YAWNED!! And he clearly sleeps like his daddy does--with his hand up by his cheek. (Seriously, I always tell Neil he looks cherubic in nature when he's going to bed because he props up his cheek with the back of his hands...something I could never do because I would sweat and then break out...why is Neil so lucky?? haha)

Despite the fact I feel like I have swallowed a beach ball and all of my other organs have been squished into oblivion...somehow, he has managed to still move and groove from within. He's been moving SO MUCH. I will feel gas-like pains when I'm lying back and no, it's not really gas...I look down and see a protuberance through my belly that creeps us (Neil and me) out. (See last blog post for an example) but now it is even more frequent...a few times a night. I really wish there were an invention on the market for preggos to use at home that would tell us what body party is where. Yes, like an ultrasound, but something that isn't that expensive or cumbersome. As of the last ultrasound, he was in the 65th percentile for current estimated weight of 3.2 lbs. I wouldn't mind if he stays in that percentile for weight.

Dub played shuffleboard in my belly the other night. I cheered him on, silently. (Please note that I have a mild linea nigra going on and that too is not straight, much like my spine. ha...I don't have anything that is symmetrical on my body)

We have had two showers...and both went so well. Here are some photos of the decor from the Kansas City one. I'd love to show you ones from the Omaha one, but I don't have them yet. (Ahem, Lara!! ;) ) So these will have to do. This KC one was put on by my pals Cara, Gina and Ashley...and they really outdid themselves. The theme was Wild Wild West....and I had a great time and got some good stuff!! I cried maybe 11 times that day and my friends were all such dears about it... because I've hit the most emotional part of the pregnancy for me. Sometimes I will have flashes of ultimate bliss....they are fleeting, but they are still wonderful...where I am so excited and happy that I couldn't ask for more (these usually occur during the morning hours before any pain is here) and then other times I get really sappy or sad or anxious. My emotions should team up and build an amusement park. They would have the craziest roller-coaster known to (wo)man.

Ending that blab fest and on to the pics:

Darling, no?

At the Omaha shower from my friend Christina, and then again today when I went to visit one of my pals, Leigh, we have been given boxes of baby boy clothes. We are stocked to the max with newborn to 6-9 months with onesies and comfy attire . So we do not need any other clothes (hint, hint to anyone wanting to get us something...as fun as it is to buy clothes for babies, we really don't need them....but thank you. haha)

Here is one laundry basket of newly washed goods...this is just one load of laundry we did that day...for JUST the clothes for 0-3 months!!! And this is before I got clothes from Leigh today!

Last weekend, we stayed in KC for Thanksgiving and did something really mellow (and something that will surely be repeated...): we went to Bristol for their buffet. No cooking. No cleaning. And as I keep saying, the only bad thing was: no leftovers. But being here enabled us to get lots done. The Friday was dedicated to nesting and getting the baby room ready to be decorated. I will post pics when it's all together...featuring an awesome abacus made by my dad and brother.

Oh, that reminds me.... I have been warned that cats like to crawl into baby stuff cuz if objects make noise, are soft or are forbidden, they are all the more intrigued. We haven't had a rough time with anything thus far. But Kramer couldn't be found one day last week and I finally gave up and was returning to my office when I looked into the baby room and saw....THIS. Sigh. How can you not love cats??? totally conked out on the changing pad. hahahahah

I am in the process of researching labor & delivery processes. Because other than what I see on TLC's THE BABY STORY, I'm kinda clueless as to what to expect and what my options are. I know I have a doctor whose mantra with C-secs and inductions are in line with mine (not opting for them unless medically necessary) so I don't need to go down the midwife/doula path as I feel very comfortable with the nursing staff at Shawnee Mission and my doc and the rest of her counterparts should one of them end up delivering lil' Dub. But do I want a hot tub before the epidural? Do I want a saline lock or an IV? Do I want to do intermittent fetal monitoring or constant? And so forth. So many things to consider. Neil and I have our 8 hour labor & delivery class this Saturday so am sorta looking forward to that..... I don't need a novel-sized birth plan, but I would like to be educated when I see what they are doing and if there is anything in the process I don't agree with now, I'd like to be able to tell them why and know my options. And educate Neil in case I can't speak for myself. Such a scary thought!!

I said scary...so that reminds me. I had TWO vivid, freaky dreams last night. The first was that Neil and I were upstairs (in a house that wasn't really this house we live in, but it was our house in the dream, you know how that goes) when we heard someone trying to get in the front door. Neil, somewhat uncharacteristically, might I add, went straight down the steps to check it out and I followed with a bowl (yes, because if you're ever attacked, offer to have the assailant hang tight so you can ladle in some soup). When I got to the bottom of the stairs, Neil was shutting the door and had some junkmail in his hand. He shrugged and said, "Just the mailman." I wasn't buying it. So I peeked through the peephole and saw a man in a postal carrier outfit, but with a crew cut and a sinister look in his eye, his back mostly to me, but he was eyeing the door and my heart stopped because I just KNEW he was a hired assassin. I whispered, and this, mind you, is what woke me up ... because I whispered it out loud in real life..."That is no postman!!!!"

Then I was wide awake and freaked out and dripping hot sweat. That was at 2:30 a.m. and I didn't go back to sleep for 3 hours. The next time I awoke, Dub had been moving lots in my stomach and I combined that with my dream and in real life I rubbed my belly and in my dream, his hand reached out fully and grabbed mine. I woke up with a start and a small shriek. Kramer was the only one to hear me though as Neil had left for work. Wowzers. Let the madness in slumber begin, no? I think maybe Neil and I should stop watching AMERICAN HORROR STORY. haha NAhhh, just kidding...Dylan McDermott is too hot to give up on that show.

The highlight of the week was perhaps having maternity photos taken with Leigh Miller. Some people wonder why you should bother with such photos, but I will tell you... it's a wonderful way to send off the "family" you've been with just your husband...to document the expectations in a loving way...and to capture what you looked like when you were growing a human. Oftentimes, I look at photography (as a photographer, but also as a person) and ask myself...do I wish that my parents had these images of themselves (or us kids, etc)? And if the answer is yes, I say SIGN ME UP! If I end up with a kid who is not sentimental in the least and never wants to look back at what he looked like while in me... then let's just say I'll cross my fingers I get a girl next. hahaha

See, this was just a teaser from Leigh. And I love it so. It's warm. It's loving. It's Neil and me, with the pop of Dub down in the left corner.

So is that enough of an update for now? I'm sorta spent. And it's taken forever to write this because my roll was interrupted by a spider that dropped down onto the couch that I lie back on for 65 percent of the day... so now I don't know if I can lie there again without feeling the critter jitters. My point, that totally ruined my groove and now, 3 hours later, I'm finally done. So off to go groan and moan as I try to get comfy on my memory-foam wedge of a pillow in bed next to a husband who has been wonderful lately. :)