And with this, we shall move forward....

So everyone pretty much already knows now....but.....

Yep, that's right. I got what I wanted. Neil says he was 50/50 with his wants, but he divulged right after we found out the news that he thinks he might have wanted a girl a TAD more. But now that he's had time to process it....the visions have set in and he's excited to have a little Bardolph (that is the name he's been calling our first son since I met him... ) to tag behind him when he does work around the house, checks the weather, looks at clouds or goes on walks. And makes fun of me.

So the ultrasound experience was definitely memorable. For starters, my amazing husband was 17 minutes late. Which means I was there, with my belly being probed...watching the nugget in my womb room...without him there to watch with me. The U/S tech kept asking, "are you sure he's coming?" So I was like, "yes, I swear... please wait for the gender announcement until he gets here."

Neil called me and said that some dumb elderly lady went down the wrong side of the road on Metcalf (through a construction zone) and freaked out when she did so, and ended up driving over tons of cones. These cones got stuck under her car, which caused her to stop, and barricaded the rest of the traffic until someone helped her remove said cones...and therefore, my baby's daddy was delayed in getting to us. As an aside....let this just be one more argument why people over the age of 75 should have to retest to drive each year. And give them scenarios as described above so they don't eff up other people's lives.

So while I'm lying there, my heart all a pitter because I want to know so badly if it's a boy or a girl... I am so irked that Neil isn't there and I know that I've studied enough YouTube videos that if the netherregions come up on the screen, I will know. I will KNOW.

And I knew.

My heart lurched with joy, and then I got all cautious and thought that there is a possibility I really don't know what the heck I'm looking at and that maybe it was a toe or something. So I kept mum and pretended I was oblivious.

And finally, at 1:17 p.m., my husband was there. The U/S tech hurriedly went through all the "fun" parts to show Neil (this was his first ultrasound that wasn't just a murky blob, so I think he was a bit in awe of what was before him....but he didn't make a sound because I'm sure he was feeling sheepish for missing the first 15 minutes.)

When she finished pointing out the major landmarks, I said, "Ok, I'm ready for you to see what gender it is..."  The U/S Tech said, "Well, I already know," with a coy smile.

(Backstory: I did tell her when I showed up that I was nervous and that I wanted a boy and if I just told her now, maybe I'd cry less if I found out it was a girl. She soothed me by saying that she's seen all the responses in the world and nothing will shock her. Oh yeah, that's right. It's her job.)

She went straight for "that" area and as she did, I said, "I think I know, too." Then Neil piped up, "Is it a hot dog or a cheeseburger?" (I had just taught him these terms the night before. If you don't know, a cheese/hamburger is a girl, and a hotdog is a boy; the girl descriptor confuses some...so google it and you might see why it's called that.)

A few moments later, U/S tech confirmed what I did see. "A hot dog!"she triumphantly announced. And showed us.

I squealed and teared up with the assurance now that my hunch all along was right, even though I doubted my own hunch because it was a hunch. Hooray!!!

So here is our kiddo. And yes, Troy, you will be the first to comment that he looks super creepy, nearly alien-like. We are aware of this. I trust he'll become more Earthling-like the closer we get to January. This is not the sound that was LIVE with our finding out....but I did narrate it a bit dorkily while recording it off of the DVD player on my iphone. (Yes, you can get your U/S recorded if you call ahead to see what type of disc to bring....)

And the madness has indeed begun. I thought I wouldn't want to buy clothes galore...cuz it's "just" a boy. (I have a separate post on my thoughts about boy clothing offerings.......) But I was wrong. I went shopping with my friend Gina right after and bought $100 worth of stuff at Once Upon A Child, mostly...and a few things at Baby Gap...then I went with my pal Cara on Friday night and got more things from Target. Then I went to Wal-mart tonight while waiting for my To Go order for dinner to be ready...and got more. (But I got 7 things for $17 there cuz everything was on clearance.) And then every morning, I look on Gilt and Zulily and I MIGHT just shop from the comfort of my bed. What a way to wake up! Cute onesie? Cha-ching! Darling romper? Fun pajamas? Why yes, I will get up for that!!

So yay. This mama-to-be is super happy on that level. And I'm feeling pretty good too...!!



p.s. I feel horrible this is just a postscript, but I'm all about honesty. All the other detailed screenings during this U/S looked good too...so that's a bigger yay than finding out there is wing-wonger in our future. (that is a term from my mom.)

today's the day!!!

Holy good gosh. So much rides on what we hear this afternoon. Our family dynamic will forever be changed. My current pocketbook will suffer far greater if it's a girl. The feverish decorating will begin either way, but the motif will be very different. I am so excited though that the U/S tech can record for us the video of what we see today. 

But I'm so nervous. My stomach is in knots... (at least, I think it's my stomach...that would suck if the baby were in tied up like a pretzel over this...but then again, he/she is the product of Neil and me, and let's just say, we are both VERY VERY VERY worrisome. I get it from my grandma on my mom's side. Not sure where he gets it.)

Anywho...here is a photo in honor of the belly surprise that waits. I'm also really nervous about everything else checking out okay. I won't post again on here probably until next week because I will be so busy between 1 p.m. and Sunday evening (going to St. Louis for a wedding and leaving tomorrow morning)... but yeah. I can't wait!!! 

Only a day...away....

The moment of truth is fewer than 24 hours away. Neil and I have a bet...

whomever wins, gets to pick the next restaurant AND movie for our date night.

I'm going with boy, because he's going with girl. So is it a triple loss if it's a girl? ;)

Honestly, writing the last blog truly helped me come to terms with the 50 percent chance of it being a girl. I will handle it with grace, and I will be excited no matter what!!!

A client of mine whom I ran into on Sunday (and he's usually very quiet-spoken) declared out of nowhere (we weren't even talking about the sex of the baby) that it was a boy.

Three days later, someone from my biz networking class did his "test" on me... (he measured the pulse in both of my wrists at the same time.....whichever was stronger determined the gender...if the left was stronger, it'd be a boy...if it were a girl, the right'd be stronger--"cuz girls are always right," he said.) The conclusion? He said a girl.

but then his wife did the same test, and she thought the opposite.

The Chinese birth chart says boy.
(but I don't stock much faith in this because it doesn't make sense that any 29 year old who conceives a baby in May will have only males... and it was wrong for 2 out of 3 for my sis, bro and me.)

So yes, back to the same old 50/50 assessment.

In other news...I'm exhausted.

I need a surprise...five months early

If I try to hone in on just who is the mysterious creature within, my mind ricochets between two visions: one of a little round-faced boy with bright blue eyes who looks so much like his daddy that I cave in to his every wish and who is curious, independent and unafraid of exploring. The other is of a spunky little girl, with just as blue eyes, but hair dark and curly and a sweet innocence in her smile that hides the mischievousness that lies dormant until you least expect it.

I am very aware that either, or both, of these visions can be way off. I'm okay with that. but I really would like help in narrowing down which MIGHT be in our future.

I really do not know how people can go the entire pregnancy not knowing in which way the pendulum will swing. It unnerves me that some people can be that patient. Is that even human?? haha

I admit I get peeved when I hear the reasoning for waiting to find out the gender (I know it's technically not "gender" since that is more of a social term, but I don't want to write the other one and have google's creepy-crawlers link my baby blog with that three letter word that starts with S) is because the couple "wants to be surprised."

That indicates that those of us who find out five months earlier are not surprised when the ultrasound tech reveals the news. Or that it's not a surprise enough to have a human being (regardless of the gender) slowly squeeze out of a small tunnel (or be pulled out through a medically created incision). I think there are plenty of surprises that await once the baby becomes a true Earthling...those all I can hold off on learning.

I need a surprise NOW.

I need something to rekindle my excitement...to recharge my desire to nest...to help me prepare and plan. I want to have the knowledge so I don't HAVE to swaddle my lil' bambino in an early life of *only* yellows and greens. (Note: I do know that many of the items I will have to stock up for in preparation will be gender-neutral in palettes, BUT...those aren't the items that truly get my juices going...the clothes & the decor & the toys.) and I want to do the same favor for my friends and family members who will welcome the baby-fuzzball into the world.

Everyone of course is entitled to go about this the way they want...I do not mean any offense to those who CAN wait...I just don't like when they indicate that THEIR way is the only way that is a surprise.

So that all said...the time is approaching. This coming Thursday is the day I've been waiting for since May 20 when we found out our lives, as we know them, would be over come next January.

I get asked a lot...do I want a boy or a girl more? I ask other moms-to-be the same thing. I hear so often, "It doesn't matter. As long as the baby is healthy."
I'm really not sure I believe that. I think everyone leans at least a TAD bit one way or the other, but they might be too ashamed or fearful to admit it, just in case their desire isn't met with reality and they don't want to be judged for having it on the record that they wanted the opposite gender of what they got.

I am going to be ballsy and tell you straight up... I want a boy more than I want a girl for this first baby.

For starters... I always wanted a big brother. (My own brother is 14 months younger than me...yeah, that's right, my mom started the crazy pregnancy journey over when I was just five months old...and though my brother is physically BIGGER than me, and has been for quite some time, I just never felt protected like I wanted to be during the pivotal years of junior high and high school...)

So I want any other kid/s to follow to have a big brother.

I also want to have the first grandson on my side of the family. My sister got the first grandchild as a whole...and believe me, I think Lil C (my niece)'s position on the family totem pole of importance is untouchable. So I would like a boy so that he at least has the novelty of the weenie on his side. ;)

And the last reason...when I visualize Neil and me...and Kramer... our lil' family of three turning into a family of four, I see a boy fitting in so much better right now. I've had a name picked out for a boy for the past 4 years, and everything. Two weeks before I found out I was pregnant, I had a dream that we had a baby boy. And I was elated in the dream.

A little boy would mean a true buddy for Neil... (yes, I know we can do this all with a girl, but it's not the same vision, okay??) when Neil wants to take someone fishing, play baseball, hunt for bugs, watching lightning or go look at clouds. He'll be ornery, but quiet, like his dad...and he will grow up with an insatiable desire to know how the world works...and he will know how to treat other boys...and girls...with acceptance and humility. He will be a silly kid, but always sweet. A mama's boy, but also a daddy's one. He'll play soccer and baseball. He'll learn guitar AND drums. He probably won't be able to carry a tune, thanks to his parents, but he'll be in a band and make lots of noise and throw himself behind some sort of environmental cause, carrying out his dad's own passions. He'll let me take photos of him, though begrudgingly, and will not necessarily embrace learning photography, but he'll do it to make me feel good. He'll have some random interest, like collecting worm carcasses, that we will support, with raised eyebrows. He will be just like his dad, only with some of my good parts, too. ;) He'll be the love of our life.

So if next Thursday, I find out that:
1. Any future kid/s of ours will instead have a big sister; AND
2. I am having the 2nd granddaughter for my side of the family; AND
3. My truest visions are very incorrect...

what will happen?

I'll tell you. Because I've played it out in my head...and I know how it will go. (And to be honest, despite me always feeling like I'd have a boy first, mostly because I WANT a boy first, if I had to place a bet, I might bet on me having a girl, only because I feel strongly that it is a boy. Plus I jinxed it and bought a 3T shirt for that "someday son"....)

It goes like this:

As we await the tech to hunt down the baby's private parts, Neil will be perched eagerly on the edge of his chair in the U/S room, mostly silent, maybe cracking a few jokes that border on really dumb or mildly inappropriate because he'll be nervous, though he won't let on. I will be lying back, I might even LOOK relaxed, but inside, my own heart might be nearly matching the bpm that is coming from the now 18-week-old being inside me. I will probably have cottonmouth. I will probably have to pee. Again. I will be sweating in my armpits. And I will be feeling that tension in my cheeks and throat--you know the one where you're trying to stave off the desire to cry. After the U/S tech pushes the wand on my stomach, and I see the spud flip flop inside me, I will tear up regardless.

And when she zones in on the part between the legs, and coyly looks at us to tell us, thinking that it's news to me...which it won't be because I'll have already recognized the cheeseburger-like staticy image that is on the screen... (I've studied lots of YouTube ultrasound videos and images)...but I won't say anything to Neil yet cuz I'm swallowing more tears. She'll say, mostly for Neil's benefit, unbeknownst to them, "You're having a...girl!"

I will cry. I won't sob. Don't worry. I won't bawl or go ballistic or ask that she check again for a protrusion she might have missed.

But I will look at Neil and say, "I knew it....." He might see the ephemeral disappointment in my eyes...And then after a few tears fall down my cheeks, I will take a few deep breaths and immediately picture that lil' girl I described in the beginning. The one with her dad's hair, my smile and a combination of our personalities that will make her so darn charming and delicious for the eyes, for the ears, for the arms to hug. I will immediately think of the shopping trip I am taking right after I get out of the doc's office with my good friend, a recent mother to a boy, and how we can go berserk buying adorable clothes and fun things for the bedroom--things she can't buy for her SON. I will start seeing Lil' C, my niece, and lil' Baby H playing together when they get older...being those cousins who love getting together and get into all sorts of trouble (led by Lil' C, I believe, though Baby H will have no trouble going along with it...). I will see my mom and dad falling victim once again to a sweet angel, who will be so different than their first granddaughter in so many ways, but have enough in common that they get to relive all the moments once more. And I will think about telling Neil's parents, who are rooting for a girl because they have two sons...and how excited they will be to have a granddaughter. She will learn photography early on, I will get her into figure-skating lessons so she can do what I never could (I won't force her to compete, I just want her to LEARN), and she will grow up being an intriguing girl because she knows how to drum any boy drummer into shame. she will be bold, daring and compassionate. She will be sassy, but funny, so she'll be hard to punish when she gives us lip. And I will be fine. I will be excited. I will love her to no end, just as much as I would a baby boy. She'll be the love of our life.

So yeah. Bring it on, Aug. 25. I can handle it! :)

and as an update, here is my belly at 17 weeks.

If it's not one thing (say it with me...)

"Then it's another..."

That's how I feel about my pregnancy right now. The nausea is 96 percent gone, so yay and a half for that. I do still get tiny tiny waves, but those I can surf ... like I said in a previous post, I am getting arthritis in my back a few times a week already. But life was just not challenging enough so I had to have ANOTHER obstacle. I am debating how much in detail I want to go since the only people who read this are typically...female...and interested enough in what is going on to either have already heard this story, or genuinely caring. (Yeah, I think that describes all 7 readers.)

So if you are easily disgusted, or have no interest in reading about disasters of the bowel, please go ahead and scroll down to the pictures. ;)AND no, I do not have photos of a disaster of the bowel. So seriously, scroll ahead if you want.

A little background...I have mild IBS-d. If you don't know what it is, you can do your own searching for answers. I only have an episode maybe once a month, sometimes more, sometimes less. I've never been able to determine my trigger food/event.

Anyway....last week, I was suffering a tiny bit of another symptom of pregnancy...the one that doesn't send you to the restroom all that much. (I'm trying to refrain from writing words that I really don't want to be linked in with my baby blog..haha) Then, something triggered my pre-existing IBS and Thursday night, I nearly passed out, vomited and died for 30-40 minutes in the restroom as everything that had been saving up exploded out of me. It was horrific. Times 12.

Later that night, I started getting a pinching pain in my lower right abdomen. I just chalked it up to being overstressed from what just happened in the restroom and went to bed. But the next day, it was worse... certain positions hurt it more...I called the nurse at my ob/gyn and they said it was round ligament pain from uterine stretching.

I took some Tylenol and shot through it for a boudoir session I had in Lawson, Mo. That evening, Neil and I went to dinner and the pain increased to about a 6 or 7 on the "oh, f*ck!" scale. I could hardly walk. (This was before I ate.) I got really worried after a bit and called the after-hours doctor and it happened to be MY ob/gyn who was on call. She listened to everything that had happened for the past few days and deduced that it was an inflamed cecum (in my large intestine) and that the IBS episode was so traumatic for the intestine that it's still suffering and cramping up, not playing nicely with the rest of the digestive tract. So she prescribed Bentyl, a bowel-muscle relaxer. Definitely the sexiest drug I've ever put into my body. 

I took it--and it took the pain away (and wiped me out...ha).

The following couple of days, I stuck with the meds and a bland diet.... but by Tuesday, the pain seemed to have dissipated...until the evening, so I turned back to the pharm charm. Wednesday a.m., the pain was back again, so I again took the relaxer.  Big dummy me, who was so hungry and sick of apple sauce and toast decided to move up a notch to a soup...how hard can that be to digest? It's already liquid!! 

Then my logic apparently disappeared in favor of a craving: I wanted broccoli cheese soup, which just so happened to be the soup o the day at a chain restaurant up the street. Hours later, when the meds wore off, the pain came back full force and was again at the 6/7 mark on the scale. I tried to get down mashed potatoes for dinner, but now I was worried that something was wrong more so than what my doc had originally thought. So we decided we needed to go to the ER just to make sure it wasn't appendicitis or anything like that. 

So we spent five hours there (and I do want to take a second to chastise the mother and father who brought their triplet 3-year olds to the ER because they feared one of them had strep and then proceeded to allow the lil' monsters to run about the waiting room, climbing over all the chairs, slobbering on the water fountain, sneezing and yelling and crying and getting their possibly Strep germs all over everything the rest of us with weak immune systems would possibly touch... DUMB MOVE, MADRE & PADRE!! How about just one of you bring the sick child in and the other stay home with the other not-so-darlings? See? I can already make wise parenting decisions, unlike SOME people.) Rant done. 

So we waited for 2 hours....AND finally got a room by 10:15 p.m. Good news finally came our way....The baby's heartbeat was strong. My blood and urine tests came back normal and concluded that my ob/gyn was correct. He told me to continue taking the Bentyl, and not to ween myself off of it for awhile. 

And I'd like to point out how the support of a spouse, and the caring checking-up from a few friends and family members has been truly appreciated. (you know who you are...) The Hubs was so amazingly patient and surprisingly not annoyed with having to sit it out in an ER room rather than watch baseball or play guitar. He was truly the best friend I married. Love you, babers!

We didn't get home until nearly 1 a.m. That was Wednesday. 

It is now Saturday...I am still taking two pills a day and fearful that I will have a repeat scenario. I'm trying to balance my fiber intake and find that happy medium. 

In better news... Thursday morning, when I was exhausted from the long, painful last few days and resulting visit to the ER the night before, I had my ob/gyn check up. Nothing major to report other than we have set the date for the detailed sonogram, during which time we should be able to find out what jewels have been bestowed upon the creature within. AUGUST 25....! Like a beacon of light to get me through these next two weeks. And then Neil better take the debit card from me because this momma wants to FINALLY SHOP!!!!

Anyway, here are two photos. The first is of the After/Before photos of the baby room wall. I'm so incredibly brilliant and put the pics in the wrong order....so fret not, the dingy, dark image on the right with the god-awful honey wood desk/window ledge element is what we've gotten rid of. And the bright, welcoming and relaxing window seat and picture window is now in its place. 

And I've started our photo log of the mound's progress. I must say that I was bigger the week before this one, but now i'm thinking that was due to my bloated condition. 

So the next time I post, I'm going to guess I will be showing you week 17...and maybe even a blabbing of the thoughts that go through my mind at night, or pretty much any minute that I am fully aware that I have something in my stomach that my husband does not.

Strollers, car seats, research...OH MY!

OVER. WHELMED. I am pretty sure that my dad and husband might be on to something when they both laughed when I told them (on separate occasions) that I'm researching the "necessities" for the upcoming mini-human.

My husband said: What? Why don't we just go to a store and BUY a car seat? What's the difference?
My dad said: Seriously? I would just go pick one out at the store.

At the time, I thought they were being plain silly. Males. Putting short-term simplicity ahead of long-term satisfaction.

But GEEZE. I'm knee-deep in reading reviews and so forth and I tell you what...I'm thinking of sending my dad AND my husband to Target and letting them pick out whatever they want.

Case in point...car seats.
I think I have indeed figured out that I need to get an infant carrier....and later upgrade to a convertible car seat (I'm reading that you make this transition at around 12-18 mos....?)...but from there, it's not clear. It seems there isn't one HUGE "heck yes, that's the carrier I need to get" feeling. I'm religiously referring to the BABY BARGAINS book and Web site (I even paid for the membership!) so the features I am gradually understanding that I want are:

--easy to install
--easy to use
--affordable (I'd like to get one no more than $175 and one cheaper than that...because ANOTHER thing I'm reading is that I will probably want two, one for each vehicle so you don't end up "screwed" if one of us leaves it in the wrong car...though I'm also toying with getting ONE and two bases...which is not an option for ALL brands...sigh...see where this is going??)
--front adjustable
--somewhat attractive looking (I'm anti super girly or masculine...and I'm against something that is super babyish)
--as light as possible (though I know the lightest ones are most likely not the best in quality)
--side-impact protection
--changes diapers for me (JUST KIDDING)

So thus far, I have it narrowed down to......


The Graco Snugride Infant Carrier (35) and the And the Chicco Keyfit 30

Let's see if I can make a decisions by talking it out with all three of my readers. (Now, here is where you would say, get one of each! And hell, I just might. But They both come in at just shy of $200 (there are a few cheaper models, but their look is so god-awful that I just can't do it.) But both come with extra bases, so maybe that is the way to go.

GRACO 32/35

PROS:

• it is front-adjustable...BUT, it's hard to tell which ones are (I read that not all are...)
• works with lots of strollers

CONs:

• No side impact protection
• Some of them are ugly. And that matters to me a bit. Not going to lie.
• it weighs 9.5 lbs sans baby

CHICO FIT 30

PROs:

• front adjustable
• cute fabrics
• better reviews (just by a bit)
• works with the stroller I think I want
• side-impact protection

CONs:

• weighs 9.4 before the bundle o' joy is in it

Ok, I think I made my choice. I think I'm going with the Chicco Keyfit 30. I think. Maybe. Yeah...that's what I'll get. I think.

EDITED the next morning: I have instead decided to get the Chicco Keyfit 30 travel system, which includes the stroller (and matches the infant carrier). So this is what I'm going with.

Also, please note, Chicco, I just learned...is pronounced KEY-CO...not Chee-Co... so get with it. ;)