38 weeks: Crabby and Drabby Darbi

 Let's start this out with a photo taken 4 days ago.....




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See my smile? Well, it's forced.
Ok, maybe I'm just saying that because RIGHT now, I'm just so crabby. It's been a stupid morning.
For starters, it snowed and is freezing. It's the first time I've said that all winter, so I know I should be thankful, but I hate winter.
Next up, there are no new things to report after the doc appt this morning. I haven't dilated any more and same effacement. And I had wanted the doc to strip my membranes, but she couldn't get into my cervix to do it because I need to be a bit more dilated. It was a VERYYYYYY uncomfy cervical exam because she tried her hardest....like nearly the level of a tonsillectomy through the down-there canal.
Then at the end of the appointment, my doctor handed me my purse and the moment when I was supposed to grab the straps was far from graceful and my nice, BPA-free water bottle fell out of the purse. And it shattered. The water bottle was the SECOND one I've purchased for $12...because the first one, Neil knocked off the counter and it broke, too! WTF. Who makes plastic products for on-the-go people and doesn't bother making it durable? Aladdin does. 
Next up, I stopped at UPS to mail back a gift my sister got for us for Xmas. It is an ipod dock that stopped working on day 2. Due to the box being that awkward size (you know, too big for any realistic small box and too small for anything huge).... i didn't have any boxes at home that would work to mail it back in...so stopped at UPS and mailed it through them. It cost me $21!!!!! The dock was only $45 to begin with! AYFKM? I just went in the hole for my own xmas gift? That is the huge downside of online shopping.

And my back was in flames by the time I got home at 11 a.m. And even though I'm lying back right now, it still is and I'm just getting crankier by the minute because there are things I need to do...while upright!! I should probably take a break from blogging or I'll come across as a you-know-what.
So I'll be back.

Ok, I'm back. Not as crabby, but now just really tired, and kinda gassy. hahaha

Anywho, so yeah, I'm mentally ready to go into labor now. I have a few things on my plate still with the biz, but at this point, I think I'd do them better if I'm not in pain or uncomfortable.

I've been reading up on the alleged methods to speed up dilation. I am eating fresh pineapple (though rumor has it that you have to eat 7 full ones to do anything... and I think at that point, it's the severe cramping and diarrhea that would inevitably follow that would start the contractions, not the mystical enzyme.)

I've considered castor oil (a client of mine recommended it and I read about it on lots of forums as working wonders) but after understanding what it does, that's a big HELL NO. I already have digestive issues, so to willingly put my body into abdominal stress via a laxative sounds absolutely dreadful. I don't need to go into labor out of any other orifice than the one that will put my baby in my arms. Besides, there is inconclusive evidence about whether it also causes distress to the baby's digestive system as moms who use castor oil have higher rates of babies who swallow their own fecal matter (meconium) which is dangerous. The reason it is admittedly inconclusive is because they don't know if it's more of a correlation because moms who take castor oil are farther along, past their due dates, more often, which increases that chance of meconium-ingesting anyway. But for me, I'll pass.

Same with primrose oil. Though it sounds pretty. Like it might make down there bloom into something beautiful for the doctors. Wouldn't that be a welcome surprise? If my "flower" had real petals or something? Ok, gross.

I am having another prenatal massage on Friday afternoon (tomorrow)...which is Friday the 13th!!!!...at which time, Natalie, my therapist is going to try to push the pressure points that supposedly induce labor. My doctor said this will help if I'm close to going, but it won't affect anything if I'm not. Either way, it's fun to try. I live for massages.

The other one I'm considering trying is nipple stimulation. I meant to ask my doc about it. I read mixed reviews on sites of varying levels of credibility. Most concur that it does indeed work to start uterine contractions. But if you overdo it, it can cause stress to your baby. So I guess if I do it, I'll just try it a tit bit. hahaha get it?

I say all of the above, but...I might be a chicken shit. Because a few nights ago after looking up all the pressure points to work on myself for the acupressure, I totally freaked out. I thought...what if I do it...and it works? EEEEK. So am I all talk that I'm ready to have this baby? Because I didn't go ahead with it. And I keep pushing back the date I will try these things. Other than the massage...and I'm wondering if it's because I know deep down it won't work.

EDITED: And before anyone else messages me with advice to have sex be aware that I too know of the alleged power of the male seed. I just didn't want to explore this option on the blog knowing male fam members read this. ;)

And on that same note of freaking out, last night I ordered a new debit card cuz my current one's magnetic stripe has lost it's magneticness. After I submitted the order (I reordered it with Kramer's darling mug on it...UMB lets you do that...and it's awesome...) it said, expect your card to be to you within 2-4 weeks. I immediately thought: OHMIGOSH...I might get a baby before I get my new card!!!! Talk about a weird feeling.

Every night around 10:15, Dub starts churning butter. (He'll do it on and off all day, but his official witching hour is late, when I'm trying to relax). And it hurts. It's like he has one set of something pummeling my cervix, shooting pinching pains of violation through my va-jay-jay and then another set of something kickboxing my belly button (where the skin is soooo stretched, and it HURTS at night due to all the pressure), and the last set of something (his feet) drawing shapes right below my right breast..sometimes just under my ribs, sometimes on them. All three movements at once make me want to hurl. I think I've said all this before, but it's all gotten worse. And Neil complains that the sounds coming out of my mouth when I go through this chop-suey tango are unnecessary. I beg to differ. They not only are NECESSARY...they are involuntary. They just come out, and they even annoy ME!
They are now the soundtrack to my life. And Dub's.

I think to make Dub's life as womb-like as possible early on, we need to get a good audio mix of the following sounds/phrases: "eeee;" "ooooh;" "owwwww;", "ohhhh, "gurgle, gurgle;", deep breathing, my shriek, Neil's: "You're crying again?"; my "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm crying;" "ahhhhh!" and "I HATE BEING PREGNANT!!!" I bet it would work like a charm for soothing purposes to send him right back to my dark places within.

Here is a less active video.... imagine this with 5x more movements....which is what I get at night. When it's too dark to record it.

 

And then here are two photos of the madness. The one on the left is NOT a braxton hicks. He just put his rump in the air or something. The one on the right, is after I lathered myself with carrot juice*, and then had a contraction.

*Just kidding about the carrot juice. It's called tungsten lighting, you goofball.

And off to the right is a bare belly pic of me last night...I can't figure out how our skin can stretch to that capacity. It's crazy talk. And should be illegal.



LASTLY:
I have been very astounded...pleasantly so...in the amount of care I've received from other females...most of whom are moms themselves. From my sister to my mom...to my closest friends...to fellow photographers...and pals I've known since elementary school...the texts and emails and facebook messages that are rife with pep talks and commiserating acknowledgement of the challenges we, as women who want to be moms, go through....they make me cry sometimes, but they warm my heart. They do help me keep going. I have indeed had a challenging pregnancy. CAn it be worse? Oh yes. It definitely could. But man, it could have been better. Take away the back pain, and I could have at least handled it all like a champ. But having that, PLUS all the typical discomforts and digestive issues has embittered me. And I am appreciative of those who reach out to help soothe that negative feeling away. THANK YOU!!!!!!


Ok, nevermind...THIs is the last paragraph... because it just hit me once again. THIS COULD BE THE LAST BLOG POST if the massage goes well tomorrow. ;) How insane!!
I'm at that point in my pregnancy where when I call my friends or family members, they all sound disappointment after the "hello?" greeting because they realize I'm not in labor. Kinda funny.
And do me a favor tonight... if you're not over 16 weeks pregnant yourself, please lie down in bed...and truly relish how comfy you are. Lie in whatever position you please. Curl up. Cuddle with your special someone. Just relax...and know...I haven't felt that good in over 5 months. So don't take it for granted. I never will again. Xo to you all for reading along and cheering me on. I'm out.